The Adventures of Stein and Giriko
by Thescentofmoonlight
Summary: Giriko is lost in the woods, Stein appears, they walk, talk, and fornicate. It almost makes sense in context. Bad plot is bad. Smut now up! More humour may be on the way! Set immediately after the end of the series.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N Fuck this. Imma write what I want. And it's yaoi. And if you don't like it, you can go suck an... egg. All my thanks to Sweetsheart, because she is the mother of this pairing. Even though she has never heard of me. Right, sexy time. *rolls up sleeves*  
Oh yeah, WARNING: Contains BDSM. That is to say bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Or badasses, dicks, sex, and madness. Both apply. And also terrible sex jokes and blokes being manly.**

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Giriko was lost. In a forest. Without his companions. Medusa was dead, Arachne was dead, Asura was dead, that religious idiot deathscythe was out there somewhere, and he. Was. LOST! And Eruka and Free had fucking wandered off! And he was hungry, and thirsty, and tired, and bored! And there was nothing (no-one) to do around here, and nothing to eat, and nowhere to go, and...

These thoughts swirled around in his head over and over, until he stumbled upon what some may call a scar upon the landscape, or a reminder of a great battle, but what the chainsaw dubbed "a big-ass crater". He looked around, and saw something, high in the sky. It looked like a cloud, or maybe not... It changed at different angles, and was hard to look at directly. And then someone fell out of it. And landed on Giriko. Cue swearing.

"SHIT!" A tall figure rolled over, and rubbed his head, making an oddly mettallic sound. Giriko continued to curse.  
"You bastard! OW! That HURT! Fuck me!" The other man laughed softly, and replied  
"I don't even know your name, and you want me to fuck you? Fascinating."  
"NOT LIKE THAT! Jesus Christ! Who the fuck are you? What were you doing in the fucking sky?"  
"My name is Franken Stein, and I am a teacher and a meister at Shibusen. There is a portal looking at this place from Shibusen, to observe the battle between the Kishin and our students. I fell through after being hit round the head by a beautiful woman. Who are you?"  
"Giriko. You're with that fucking school? Fuck you then. Got any food?"  
"Wait, do you want to fuck me, or me to fuck you, or to eat? I'm confused" grinned Stein. He seemed to be enjoying messing with the saw.

Giriko muttered something under his breath, and turned away. "So where are we? You know the way back to... Anywhere?" The scientist started walking silently. Giriko followed, dragging his feet.

The sun was setting, and they were still in a forest. Judging by the orange light reflecting off clouds to the north, there was a city there, full of lights. Giriko tripped over a tree root and went flying, amidst a flurry of curses.  
"RIGHT, FUCK THIS! I haven't had any sleep for two days, I'm starving, I'm thirsty, and I'm not going any further than this!" Stein nodded.  
"It's getting late. Let's stop for the night. I'll get some food."  
"Wait, you have food? Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"  
"I don't have any yet. But thankfully I always carry a few blades on my person, so we'll have food soon."

Rabbits tasted pretty good when you hadn't eaten for a few days. The two men ate swiftly, and then sat by the fire, resting.  
"So Franken, who's this beautiful woman who hit you round the head?"  
"Huh? Oh, that's my friend, Marie. I don't think she meant to knock me through the portal, but the ability to turn into a hammer can result in some rather misjudged blows. And if you ever happen to meet her, don't tell her I said she was beautiful, please."  
"Why not? It's a nice thing t'say to a lady."  
"She'd... get the wrong idea."  
"Ah. A romantic?"  
"And then some."  
"And you're a mad scientist. See, that's the kind of shit you always see in weird-ass romance novels! You get the sweet but fiesty girl, right, an' the mad scientist, or the vampire, or whatever the fuck, and he captures her for some bullshit reason, and then they fall in love and he's not such a bad guy after all, and all that bollocks."

Stain nodded thoughtfully, and ate a bit more rabbit. "Anyway, you wouldn't happen to have a tent or something?"  
"Why the hell would I have a tent? I'm not a pussy." The doctor sighed, and started planning. Hmmm... If there were any large animals, he could theoretically use their skins, but there were only rabbits and things, and anyway the skin would need to cure, ideally. He'd do something with some leaves and his coat then... Did he have any rope? Yes. He absently pulled a length of rope out of one of his pockets, and twisted around his wrist once or twice, absorbed in thought.

Giriko noticed this, and pulled an end. Stein flew forward, nearly ending up in the fire. "What the hell was that for?"  
"I dunno. See how you'd react? Teach you not to bondage-ify yourself near naked flames?"  
"What? What does bondage-ify even mean?"  
"Uh... Perform bondage on? Yeah, that."  
"This isn't bondage. It's just messing around with a rope. And you are far too dirty-minded."  
"And your wrists are tied."  
"No, there's just a bit of rope around one of them." Giriko grinned at him, and tied his wrists together. "You were saying?"  
"I'm fairly confident I can get out of this if I wanted."  
"So you don't want to? You sayin' a doctor like you, who presumably spends all his time strappin' girls to tables and taking their clothes off for "surgery", is comfortable with being tied up?" Giriko gave him a perverted grin.  
"Well, I've only strapped a human to a table twice, once because I'd run out of sedative and the other time... Well, times, I suppose, but it was the same person every time... in case the stuff I was using stopped working. Since I didn't have access to any professional stuff and the fact he was a rather strong weapon." Stein's eyes glazed over, and he seemed lost in thought.  
"He did look so peaceful in his sleep... No doubt dreaming about girls." he added, with distaste.  
"You don't sound too happy about that... Don't want your subject gettin' too close to others?"  
"It was years ago. And he wasn't just a specimen, he was my partner. And those bloody romances of his would always end with him crying on my shoulder."  
"Yeah, I reckon you're jealous. Funny, I wouldn'ta thought you were into dudes." Stein grinned at that.  
"When you say "into", do you mean literally, or do you mean was I attracted to them?"  
"What the hell else would I mean? You can't literally get into someone, like inside of the- oh wait."  
"In any case, yes to both." Giriko looked up.  
"Shit, really? I'm gonna go right ahead and guess that you like girls too, though."  
"Yes. Although I'm more interested in getting inside people with the aid of a scalpel." Giriko laughed.  
"Kinky."  
"No, just mentally engaging. Well, 95 percent of the time. The other five percent... My hands may have been shaking somewhat during the operation. Self-control doesn't come naturally to me."  
"So, lemme guess. You're really dominant in bed, right? Like havin' your partner all tied up and at your mercy? Maybe cut their clothes off with that scalpel of yours, get their skin a bit... You seem the type to like a lil bit of blood. Right, Frankie?" He noticed Stein had zoned out somewhat, staring at the fire. Giriko wondered if his description had been a bit too graphic for the man.

"You are exactly right. And please don't call me Frankie. It sounds even worse coming out of your mouth than it did from Spirit."  
"Spirit... Your ex-boyfriend or friend with surgical benefits or whatever, right?"  
"HE WAS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. He was my partner. Not that kind of partner."  
"Yeah, you liked him. Tell me, d'you wish he was here?"  
"What, so I'd have some intelligent company? Not that he ever said anything remotely smart, but compared to you..."  
"Nah, so you could screw him into the ground. Hah! Screw! Man, I'm so funny and I don't even realise."  
"Shut up. Or this rope is going to end up around your neck." Stein held up the length of rope, which he had untied during the conversation. "You can't tie knots for shit."  
"Nah, but I can get out of 'em bloody easy!" He flashed a grin, revving up his arm. The scientist's eyes immediately widened.  
"Impressive. _Very _impressive."  
"Yeah, well, that's me all over! And I do mean all over, if you catch my drift."  
"Oh, are we going to have a bragging contest? How... Either macho, homoerotic, or just plain stupid, I'm not entirely sure which."  
"Well, I've got some good brags. Y'know, considering I get more in a month than you do in a year, shit, a decade." He grinned.  
"Only because I don't try. When I do try, not only do I almost invariably get whomever I want, but they frequently say the day after I'm the best they've ever had." This may have been an exaggeration, but due to his interest in biology, Stein did know what he was doing.  
"Bullshit. You're kinky, but I doubt you're that hot."  
"You do, do you? Well, I could probably change your mind if I wanted."  
"That sounded one helluva lot like you were coming on to me..."  
"Hm? Perhaps, although I think coming into you would be less messy." Giriko's jaw dropped.  
"That is just disgusting, y'know. Honestly, a man of science like you, being so foul. Just shockin'." The saw shook his head. If he wasn't so manly, his face would be red with shame.  
"You're blushing. And I must say, it's the first time I've seen someone blush out of distaste." No, that wasn't a smirk _at all_. Stein most certainly wasn't having brilliant fun playing with Giriko's head. Or leaning forward slightly, glasses glinting in the firelight. Or taking the weapon's chin and tilting his head slightly...

"Just checking your pupils... Ah yes, they are dilated. That means bigger than usual, by the way."  
"So is getting a hard-on a dick dilatorer-whatever?" Stein laughed softly.  
"No, no, it only refers to circular openings which are capable of expansion and contraction. Although dilated pupils are a sign of relaxation or arousal, so they can be the precursor to a hard-on." Giriko looked puzzled, and then said "But I'm not that relaxed, out in the woods with a crazy guy." And regretted it as soon as he saw the scientist grin.

"So you're aroused?" Of course, pupil dilation is also a reaction to low light levels, but why spoil the fun by saying that?  
"Maybe... Ain't my fault if you're threatenin' to fuck me. You do look kinda dramatic, with the fire and all that." He grinned cockily, confident that this level of bluntness would put the mad meister off, despite the fact he was mostly bullshitting. Mostly.  
"So I turn you on? I'm flattered, I really am. And I must say you also look rather attractive at the moment. Although that may just be all the sexual conversation and the fact I haven't got laid in ages..." He placed his hands behind him and arched his back, looking at the stars, before returning to a sitting position and cranking his bolt a couple of times, as Giriko looked at him in a certain amount of shock. What was this lunatic on about? He was acting like they were going to... Holy shit. He was pretty flexible. Ah, fuck it. He was Giriko, the great opportunist! Time for a little wager.

"So, Franken. You say you're good in bed. But I've got a bet for you."  
"Hm?"  
"I bet... That you can't make me scream." There was a moment of stunned silence, broken by a growl.  
"You will not be able to speak in the morning. I guarantee it." Damn. Daaaaayuuumn.  
"Bullshit. But I'm sure I'll appreciate your effort, so to speak." He hardly had time to finish the sentence before his wrists had been tied to a tree root.  
"Y'know, I can cut these."  
"I know. But where's the fun in that? Unless you want me to punish you for doing so, which I assure you would happen." Giriko nodded in understanding. The sadistic glint in Stein's eye told him it was time to shut up. The knife at his collarbone then told him it was time to start talking again.

"What the hell? I thought you were gonna fuck me, not cut me open!"  
"Yes, but I can't remove your shirt with your hands tied."  
"So push it out the way or whatever? Why d'you even need to take it off? It's just a fucking shirt."  
"Because Iike to be able to admire my work to it's fullest extent. But fine, I won't cut it off."  
"Thank you very much, mate! Honestly, I paid good money for this shirt... Well, someone probably did at some point. Anyway, -what are you doing?!" He yelled, as Stein took a branch from the fire, and ran the smouldering tip down Giriko's shirt, burning a line through it.  
"I said nothing about burning, however." He stated, as his specimen clenched his teeth as a strip of his skin was scorched.

"Franken... Fucking hell, I liked that shirt! And this hurts! Aahh..." He winced as the branch touched the trail of hair below his navel, incinerating it.  
"You'd better not use that method on my damn jeans! I need those! And I'm gonna have no shirt tomorrow, an-Mmmph!" Stein rolled his eyes, tying the charred strip of shirt tight, ensuring Giriko couldn't say a word.  
"You talk too much." He unbuttoned the saw's jeans, pushing them down, and grinned up at him. This was going to be good.

**A.N. I'm sorry! I just... I dunno. If you want smut, review or something and I'll try and do it. But I don't know if you guys really want that. And I was laughing so goddamn hard when I went over this for some reason. I don't even know why. Probably just the tasteless jokes. I'm sorry for those too, by the way. Anyway, yeah, if you want a sex scene, and maybe the aftermath, ask and ye shall recieve. Like Giriko, hur hur. But that doesn't mean he's a blushing uke or anything. Real men can take it up the ass too. And this will not repeat not end in "I love you"s of any kind! It wouldn't make sense. TSOM out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. And heeeeeeeeeeeere's the smut! Cause people reviewed. Well, two did. And I think I've remembered how to smut. Hopefully.**

"You talk too much." He unbuttoned the saw's jeans, pushing them down, and grinned up at him. This was going to be good. And Giriko was half-hard already...  
"You're not a masochist, are you? Because that would explain not only this but all those delightful sounds you made when I removed your shirt." Stein chuckled to himself, breath huffing against his captive's growing erection. He squirmed, wanting the meister to hurry up and get on with it and stop bloody teasing him! He cursed against the shirt, but somehow it didn't feel the same. Bloody gags...

Stein, who had previously been looking at the fire as if in deep thought, as Giriko struggled and swore, cranked his bolt and nodded, deciding on a course of action. This course seemed to involve him removing the weapon's boxers, moistening his lips, and descending, to a gasp. The said weapon forced himself to keep still, refusing to enjoy this too much before it really began. Holy shit, where did he learn _tha_- "Ahhh..."  
Stein grinned, his tongue continuing to trace small circles just below Giriko's head, as his other head hit the ground. Okay, fine, this guy knew what he was doing. And had apparently figured out that he enjoyed pain. And... and... fucking _hell_... Never mind. Just relax. And don't scream.

The meister removed his mouth with a quiet pop, and licked his lips.  
"Look at you... You're flushed, rock hard, and writhing in quite a desperate manner. Is it the cold air or lack of stimulation, I wonder..."  
This was met with an incredulous glare. He was stark staring naked with an almost painful boner, and that lunatic was looking at him as if he were some kind of experiment! That was just _rude_. And the gleam in his eye was unsettling. He removed his glasses thoughtfully, biting the end of one arm and letting them hang from his mouth as he reached down to rub Giriko's length torturously slowly. The weapon twitched, his need being, if not sated, at least somewhat relieved.

At this point, the gag was removed. Giriko pursed his lips a few times, reviving them, before Stein pulled a Medusa. By which I mean he shoved his hand, minus the thumb, into the weapon's mouth, using the other one to move his glasses out of harm's way. He flexed them a few times, then pulled them out, dripping.  
"Thank-_you_." he mumbled, pushing two fingers into the saw. He was tough, he'd be fine...  
"Fuck... That hurts..."  
"You enjoy it." He responded bluntly, curling his fingers. This was partly for the purpose of stretching his specimen, partly an attempt to find his prostate, and partly to see the way his face twisted. He hummed discontendedly,shifted his hand slightly, and grinned as the saw cursed, his back arching a little.

"There we are..." he added a third finger, spreading them slightly, as Giriko bucked and swore and gasped. Stupid sexy Franken... Oh god, was he up to four now? Yes. Yes he was...  
"Fucking hell... Why the fuck are you so good at this?"  
"Cognition*, and a certain amount of somnophilia** in my misguided youth." Another curse.  
"Speak English, you ba-AH! F'ckin 'ell..." Stein, satisfied with both the amount of preparation and the weapon's reactions, removed his hand. And both the American and English kinds of pants. No, there were no stitches there, although there were some on his boxers.  
"And this is the part where I fuck you until you scream." He thrusted in, one hand on the ground, the other holding Giriko's hip. Okay, apparently either he had excellent muscle control or the preparation had been a bit brief... He was really fucking tight... Shit... Wait, why was he grinni- Oh crap, he said that last bit out loud.  
"Good to know you're enjoyin' yerself... Not that I'm not, although you're bein' a bit soft for a crazy guy..." This was responded to with a raised eyebrow and a curt  
"I prefer them to say something more along the lines of "Harder, please~", but since you're clearly too manly for that, I shall acquiesce***." Giriko hardly had time to be confused as to what acquiesce meant before his world was filled with pleasure, his vision was filled with stars and a sadistic grimace, and his ass was filled repeatedly, violently, and at speed.

After a few moments he adjusted to the punishing rythym, panting, only to hear Stein speak.  
"I win." The weapon tried to swear, but had to strangle the word before it became a moan. Had he really just screamed? That was so... So... Oh...  
"Goddamnit, Franken... Fuckin'... Aaah..." He was, to coin a phrase, completely mindfucked. Not to mention assfucked. Not that Stein was utterly composed, but he apparently had enough coherence of thought to grasp Giriko's length and _squeeze_. And if he hadn't screamed before, he certainly did now, as that bloody meister stroked him, screwed him, bloody _bit_ him on the shoulder..."AAAGH! Hah... hah... huh..." he lay there, panting and groaning, red in the face and elsewhere.

Stein grinned, trying to keep it together, don't drool, don't moan, don't stop, definitely don't come... But as much as he loved to hear screams of pain, screams of _pleasure_ always made the man's sanity slip even further into the distance, if only temporarily. He was losing awareness of everything around him except Giriko, and their combined need for pleasure, for more, for _release_. They were both close, they both knew, and they were both damned if they were gonna admit it! This was a contest, now. It didn't matter who was taking it in the ass, it mattered who lost it first. That would determine who won in the machismo stakes.  
"Nnn... I wonder... ah... C-could I make you beg, 'dyou think? If I stopped now, perha-ah~aps.." Stein gasped out between clenched teeth. He hadn't done this in a while, okay? Giriko responded to this taunt by grinning cockily, clamping down on the scientist as hard as he could, and hooking a leg around his waist.  
"No, because... Shit... Because you need this more than I do. You ain't got laid in years... Fuck..." His eyes closed. His whole body was tensed, he could come now if he tried. But he wouldn- Wait, what was he- "FUCK!" Stein, with precise timing, had slammed into the weapon's prostate, stroked him firmly, and bit his nipple _hard_. It worked. Giriko arched, coming hard. He saw white for a moment, feeling like he was on fire, vaguely aware that the meister was still thrusting into him.

When he could think again, he opened his eyes to see the other above him, head back, gripping the weapon's hips painfully. He groaned, slumping against the tree root as he was filled with heat, and watched in a semi-conscious manner as the man fell pulled out and collapsed next to him, tired and spent.  
"Well fuck... You are good."  
"Fuggov, sleepin'..." And that was that.

The sun was almost halfway across the sky, indicating some time near midday. The two men were awake, clothed, and sharing a few convivial apples they'd found in a clearing.  
"I do like apples..." mumbled Giriko through a mouthful, "They're so... Wassa word... Juicy."  
Stein nodded, munching. After a while, he spoke.  
"You scream like a girl." An apple core hit him in the head, followed by a fist. Apparently not even the morning after was strong enough to calm his inner rage...

*Thinking, **sleep fetish, i.e having sex with someone in their sleep, or in this case molesting them, ***agree. Although you clever lot probably already knew that.

**I did it! And now it's 1am and I have an exam tomorrow, but I'll be okay. It does give me an excuse for the poor quality of the writing, at least... Anyway, anyone want me to write what happens when they get back to the DWMA? I like the idea of either Marie being a bit of a yaoi fangirl, or maybe Giriko either telling her Stein called her beautiful, or finding out what somnophilia means and putting two and two together **_**vis-a-vis**_** that and Spirit (sorry to portray Stein as a bit of a rapist... But it is kinda plausible...) Anyway, yeah, review if you likey, or if you want continued, flames will be used on Giriko, or possibly to bake apple pie to give to people who spotted the references. TSOM out!**


End file.
